A definite I have not a clue
February 9th, 2007
waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy. I’m freaking out a bit here.
I just found another very powerful time-sucker but it is one that must be used wisely and sparingly — looking up people on Myspace (or Hi5 if you’re from the Caribbean).
Now it’s all well and good to catch up on what people are up to without actually having to talk to them (especially if you didnt care much for them in the first place) but it’s just amazing how faces can bring back memories.
Not even so much specific, personal memories. You see, somehow I found myself going through profiles of people I kind of knew from back home but didn’t really lime with and it just got me to remembering the whole Trini social scene.
Bitter, bitter, bittersweet.
There’s something very comforting about knowing wherever you go you’ll see the same familiar faces. I truly miss that, especially here in LA, where I know like 5 people.
But living and liming in Trinidad can also get claustrophobic when you realize there really is nowhere you can go without seeing a familiar face. And then there’s all the maco and shit-talk that goes along with it. (click here for long list of Trini slang terms)
It takes a certain amount of energy and care that I haven’t necessarily nurtured while living in U.S. anonymity.
I’ve let my guard down.
(I sometimes leave the house in my pyjamas)
I dream about eventually going back but this whole thing has kind of got me thinking: I wonder if I could still do it, boy?
The answer is a definite… I have not a clue.
February 9th, 2007 at 10:43 am
Does it matter? I’m not sure it does, D. Contentment is what everyone is looking for, and if grand wealth, odd LA weather and anonymity is what makes you happy, then why does it matter if you could go back or not?
I’m not content in Miami, but we both left Trinidad while still growing up. It’s been a while, and we’re different, and Trinidad is definitely different. And maybe it simply doesn’t nurture what would make you happy. So if you can’t go back, why attach such a negative connotation?
I think you hit the nail on the head. Not with any one sentence, but the flavour you described it with. People who leave always reminisce about “home,” and only at its ideal. As if “here” is horseshit, and “home” is milk and honey, we keep/suddenly have/exaggerate the country accent, fly the flag, and listen desperately to its music, so that you don’t accidentally become part of this new place. Oh the horror.
But yeah, you didn’t do that. There’s definitely a shiddy part to back home that you remember, and it’s very real. Nowhere is great or, far less, perfect. We still want to violently murder the maxi drivers, and cuss the rasta who put mango in the doubles even when we didn’t ask for it. Always remember WHY we left - to move forward, to find something more. Hopefully something better.
Going back home is something akin to buying your brother’s car, or working for your family. It’s not wrong or bad, but it’s almost lazy in a way. And if you’ve moved on already, maybe going back home is just that: going backwards.