DScottGRRL

Now I must admit, fog beats smog any day and that’s only one of the multitudinous reasons why I won’t move from the westside.

But seriously, it’s time for me to do my part in dispelling this “sunny-California-beachin’-every-day myth.”

Now let this be a lesson to you all.

Firstly, the water ain’t that pretty and unless you’re a masochist or surfer you will never venture into that ice bucket. You won’t find me there fo sho.

And secondly (this is the clincher), by some perverse California anti-logic, the closer you get to the water, the nastier the weather gets. Here’s my irrefutable proof:

8 blocks from the Santa Monica Pier, 60 degrees fahrenheit, 9:52 AM, Wednesday, May 16th.

West LA, 60 degrees fahrenheit, 9:52 AM, 10:06 AM, Wednesday, May 16th.

WTF? Right? Palm trees don’t look so welcoming against grey backgrounds now do they?

If I hear another word about this so-called “marine layer” that’s been killing my vibe for the past four months I think I might shoot myself in the foot. That way I can’t walk to the window to see another grey day.

My brother went to boarding school in England, and being my whiny brother, he would complain about the perpetual grey cloud hanging over his boarding house.

It’s taken me 20-odd years, brother, but I finally sympathize.

Some of you may be asking when I’m finally going to accept the weather for what it is and stop whining like a little bitch.

To that I reply: As soon as I beat it into submission or July, when it finally gets warm, they say–whichever comes first.