Do-over
April 10th, 2008
Hi. Still here. Been thinking alot. Creating posts in my head. Never really managing to get them on paper. A self-imposed writer’s block. No fault but mine.
So I’ve been thinking lately. I’m thinking it’s time for me to abandon this blog. Start over.
The thing is, DScottGRRL is all about me. What I’m thinking. What I’m feeling. What makes me go grrrr… You know how it is when you have so many choices you just get paralyzed? Yeh. So I’m thinking I want to narrow my focus a bit.
There’s one theme I’ve kept coming back to in this blog. And even when I haven’t been writing about it, I’ve been thinking about it. It’s a huge part of me and who I am today and I really want to explore it further. It’s one of those things that you’re so close to you can’t figure out what it really. Forest for the trees and what not. All you can do is question, question, question, and, hopefully, when I start writing about it full-time, I’ll find people who can commiserate and celebrate it with me.
Because I know I’m not the only one. Not by a long shot.
You see, I come from foreign. That’s what it’s going to be all about.
18 years in Trinidad, 8 in Miami, and 1.25 in LA–I’m suffering from a serious identity crisis. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. All of nothing. Nothing at all. A lot of times, being from too many somewheres can just make you feel like you’re from nowhere.
Now that’s the negative part of it (in a nutshell).
There are positives (remember I said commiserate and celebrate)
Off the bat people think you’re this adventurous type traveling the world and experiencing new places, peoples, and cultures. And they’re right. When I’m getting down on myself, I don’t think about it that way, though. I feel like I’ve just been led on these various pathways with no real direction on my part, just going with the flow and accepting where it takes me.
When I’m feelin all up on myself, I feel proud of where I’m from and where I’ve been and maybe at the time it felt like I was just allowing someone else to make the decision to take me from A to B, but, you know, I could have said no.
Maybe I needed the push but it happened because I wanted it to happen.
I wanted to do something different. To find myself in an entirely new and strange environment (i.e. LA–Miami is a little less strange when you’re coming from a Caribbean island). I wanted it and it happened. And I’m pretty proud of that. And I’m definitely a better person for it.
An ex-friend once told me that the two best things you can spend your money on is education and travel.
Well, I’m getting my MBA so let’s just check #1 off the list.
And I’ve recently settled in my second big U.S. city/third place I call home, so I guess I’m doing okay on that front as well.
It’s a terribly conflicted perspective when you’re an insider/outsider, always somewhere betwixt and between, always feeling like you’re on the fringes.
And that’s what I want to explore.
It’s coming soon. I’ll let you guys know. In the meantime, let me know what you think!
And I definitely want all my fellow foreigners to chime in and, hopefully, contribute with guest posts whenever the mood catches you.
Thanks guys. Peace out for now.
Technorati Tags: foreigner, trinidad, los angeles, miami
April 10th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I look forward to seeing your new focus. I arrived in California yesterday for a few days - landed in LA, but my friends (from Santa Barbara) didn’t think I needed to see too much of it
Headed to see some mountains. And more Ocean.
April 11th, 2008 at 3:22 am
Well I may not be from Trinidad,or another country even, but I have been a foreigner of sorts my whole life. Even growing up in KY for those 20 odd years I was a foreigner, the sole Jew, with that strange family from up north. And since then it has only gotten worse constantly moving barely enough time to set my roots, make friends, or feel at home. Now I find myself in FL, last place I ever thought I would live, finally feeling like I “belong” a bit, but constantly thinking in the back of my mind, the countdown to the next inevitable move. What I am trying to say is, I think it would be a magnificent blog. I cannot wait for it…good luck getting it under way.
April 11th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Thanks Chennette! I’m hoping to launch next Monday. And btw, as beautiful as SB is, I’d reckon you could see all you want to see there in a day whereas I still have a long list of things to do/ places to see in LA (and none of them having to do with Hollywood and movie stars). LA has a lot of hidden and not-so-hidden gems that make it a much cooler place than the superficial slop you see on tv. I plan to cover a lot of that in the new blog and maybe I’ll convince you and your friends to give LA more of a chance next time!
April 11th, 2008 at 8:21 am
Rach: That is exactly the response I am hoping for! I don’t think you need to be from a different country to feel like a foreigner. If I was still in Trinidad and moved down south hell I’d probably be more of an outsider there than I am here. Coming from “foreign” is about being in a place outside of your comfort zone and then realizing when you go back, the old place doesn’t necessarily feel like home anymore. Or in some cases, like yours and sometimes for me, maybe it never did and everywhere you go no matter where you go, that foreign feeling stays with you. So yes, this blog is for you and me and for all of us trying to make who we are and where we’re from and where we are now jibe into one cohesive self. Good luck, right?! Thanks for the encouragement and you’ll see me at a new location soon!
April 14th, 2008 at 5:57 am
Hey, thanks for continuing the blog. We’ve been waiting for you to come back.
What would make you feel like you belong though? I used to feel like I didn’t want to stay here, but I didn’t want to go back, but I didn’t know where else to go. What I ended up doing is getting pushed along - quite like what you described - and here I am. In the same place, but in a position to affect a lot of things, and people, and I think I’m doing good.
I think that gives me a sense of belonging. “People support a world they help create.” Well, I’ve created a big pile of mush, so it’s not a lot to look at, but I’m working on it, and that alone keeps me here, at “home.”
“Home” might change locations, but as long as I feel like I belong, like I’m doing something worthwhile and good for whatever’s around me, it doesn’t matter where it is.
(Or maybe I’m blissfully ignorant.)
April 15th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Actually I saw most of what Santa Barbara has to offer in much less than a day. Spent the rest of the time in Monterey and Santa Cruz. One of my hosts is from central California, so he’s just prejudiced
I wouldn’t have minded seeing LA, but whales and redwoods weren’t bad.