DScottGRRL

Hi. Still here. Been thinking alot. Creating posts in my head. Never really managing to get them on paper. A self-imposed writer’s block. No fault but mine.

So I’ve been thinking lately. I’m thinking it’s time for me to abandon this blog. Start over.

The thing is, DScottGRRL is all about me. What I’m thinking. What I’m feeling. What makes me go grrrr… You know how it is when you have so many choices you just get paralyzed? Yeh. So I’m thinking I want to narrow my focus a bit.

There’s one theme I’ve kept coming back to in this blog. And even when I haven’t been writing about it, I’ve been thinking about it. It’s a huge part of me and who I am today and I really want to explore it further. It’s one of those things that you’re so close to you can’t figure out what it really. Forest for the trees and what not. All you can do is question, question, question, and, hopefully, when I start writing about it full-time, I’ll find people who can commiserate and celebrate it with me.

Because I know I’m not the only one. Not by a long shot.

You see, I come from foreign. That’s what it’s going to be all about.

18 years in Trinidad, 8 in Miami, and 1.25 in LA–I’m suffering from a serious identity crisis. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. All of nothing. Nothing at all. A lot of times, being from too many somewheres can just make you feel like you’re from nowhere.

Now that’s the negative part of it (in a nutshell).

There are positives (remember I said commiserate and celebrate)

Off the bat people think you’re this adventurous type traveling the world and experiencing new places, peoples, and cultures. And they’re right. When I’m getting down on myself, I don’t think about it that way, though. I feel like I’ve just been led on these various pathways with no real direction on my part, just going with the flow and accepting where it takes me.

When I’m feelin all up on myself, I feel proud of where I’m from and where I’ve been and maybe at the time it felt like I was just allowing someone else to make the decision to take me from A to B, but, you know, I could have said no.

Maybe I needed the push but it happened because I wanted it to happen.

I wanted to do something different. To find myself in an entirely new and strange environment (i.e. LA–Miami is a little less strange when you’re coming from a Caribbean island). I wanted it and it happened. And I’m pretty proud of that. And I’m definitely a better person for it.

An ex-friend once told me that the two best things you can spend your money on is education and travel.

Well, I’m getting my MBA so let’s just check #1 off the list.

And I’ve recently settled in my second big U.S. city/third place I call home, so I guess I’m doing okay on that front as well.

It’s a terribly conflicted perspective when you’re an insider/outsider, always somewhere betwixt and between, always feeling like you’re on the fringes.

And that’s what I want to explore.

It’s coming soon. I’ll let you guys know. In the meantime, let me know what you think!

And I definitely want all my fellow foreigners to chime in and, hopefully, contribute with guest posts whenever the mood catches you.

Thanks guys. Peace out for now.

Technorati Tags: foreigner, trinidad, los angeles, miami

After a wonderful vacation and way more delicious food than my body needed, I decided a cleanse might be a good way to start the new year.

Yeh, no.

Cleanses take discipline and maple syrup and cayenne pepper taste yucky.

I wasn’t really in a place (in my head) to commit.

Then I started thinking of other ways to cleanse my life.

Feng Shui

I actually went through this period where I swore there was “bad energy” in the house and got all the books on feng shui to “cleanse” the air.

Yeah that didn’t last too long.

What the bf and I did accomplish, however, was ridding our second bedroom of junk and finally turning it into a livable, breathable workspace.

I walk in and I smile. Before I had to keep the door shut because seeing a teeny little glimpse of the disastrous mess that lurked inside would drive my blood pressure up.

I feel 10 lbs lighter. How’s that for a cleanse?

And then I really started picking up steam. What do I really need to detox from my life.

Um, probably my shopping habits.

Stuff

I like to separate myself from “Americans” but, truthfully, I have bought (ha ha) into American consumerism in a big way.

I love stuff.

I love the act of purchasing.

It makes me feel good.

Sparks those synapses.

It’s bad bad bad.

So for the month of January, I have put myself on a shopping cleanse.

No trips to CVS for knick knacks, no shopping online, definitely no Nordstrom Rack (it’s right across the road from my work and my biggest weakness), no nothing, nada.

It’s been 7 days and I feel fine.

Lists be gone

I generally have two or three (exhaustive) lists of things I “need” to buy whether it be for a trip, for the house, beauty products, etc.

And then I would get frantic about making sure I remembered to put something on the list, where I would find time to go to all these stores to get this stuf and how I’m supposed to pay for all of it.

And to top it off, I would usually lose the lists after a day or two and have to make new ones.

What a self-imposed load off of my shoulders.

This month my goals are clear:

1. dont buy anything

2. focus on school

3. focus on my everyday work

4. focus on my freelance work

5. focus on my association work

6. re-learn how to ride a bike

Life is good once you keep it nice and simple.

I think.

I’ll let you know for real in a month.

Technorati Tags: riding a bike, master cleanse, consumerism, detox, shopping, stuff

Beer Olympics–replete with bull horn and safety cones

That’s me participating in yesterday’s Beer Olympics and kicking ass at the tricycle race, I might add.

But, what? How can this be, you ask?

Dan, the teetotaler? Beer Olympics? Cognitive dissonance, whut?

For obvious reasons (see here) I’ve never played drinking games.

Yes, for real.

I’ve watched (quite boring), but mostly I would just kill time reading magazines while everyone else got wasted and giggled like two-year-olds.

To be honest, I really didn’t think much of it or that I may have been missing out.

Now, here’s where the Life’s Simple Truths come in:

Playing drinking games? Lot more fun than watching them.

Like, tons.

Uh-derrrr.

For the first time in my life I played Flip Cup yesterday. Fun. Giggling like a two-year-old. Sooo fun. And I wasn’t even half bad. I played with water obviously.

Oooh and tricycle racing (pictured above) For once my genetic shortcomings worked to my advantage–those short little legs of mine pedaled like no other!

Fun fun fun.

So, you know that saying: Life is not a spectator sport?

It’s for real.

Participate–my new resolution.

See more BO pics here.

Technorati Tags: beer olympics, flip cup, teetotalers

RELIEF

It’s true. THEY were right. You never forget how to ride a bike.

Here are some things you do forget over the years:

1. turning
2. stopping
3. the shame of falling less than 5 minutes into your first ride in over 15 years

I have the scraped-up knee to prove it.

I was sooo afraid I would hop on that bike and just not be able to catch my balance and circulate those pedals. I figured that if there was one person in the world who could forget how to ride a bike, it would probably me.

But I turned the tables on THEM, now didn’t I?

SOON COME

I rode.

In a straight line, at least.

Curves, turns, stops, they will soon come.

I’ve never ridden a bike in the street before.

I mean a real street.

With cars.

And traffic lights.

And teeny-tiny little skinny-minnie bike lanes.

TINY when I tell you TINY!!!!

Nerve-wracking to say the least.

A LITTLE SKERFUFFLE

I’m terrified of riding into a car.

Actually, that’s what caused my first accident.

I was trying to correct my balance, overcompensated, and was headed straight for a car.

My knee gallantly took the fall and saved my new bike and the car from impending doom.

I’m a little shaky, but alright, thanks for asking.

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS

My new bike is really pretty (can you say mint green pearlescent?) and cool and I’m a cooler person now that it’s mine.

And that’s all that matters and nothing else. Not even THEM.

C’est ça.

P.S. the boyfriend and I got our new rides at Chubby’s in Culver City. Highly recommend it!

Technorati Tags: beach cruiser, bike riding, LA, Santa Monica, Chubby’s

it had been so long, I had actually stopped thinking about it

it was no longer a part of my daily life

for some reason i chalked it up to one of those east coast/ west coast things

or maybe i just live in a better area now

whatever i didnt really give it any deep thought

so i’m walking from my car to get the mail and…

hark! what do i hear?

pssssssssssssst

pssssssssssssst

pssssssssssssst

what could that be? it must be someone i know, you know, because that shit doesnt happen to me here, right?

pssssssssssssst

pssssssssssssst

followed by lipsmacking and rude gestures from an effing imbecile on a bike

he disturbed my peace

i was pisssssssssssssssed

so what do you do?

here’s what i did–i so eloquently squawked at him in the middle of the street (like the lady that i am): YOU ARE DISGUSTING

squawked

what do they call it?

l’esprit de l’escalier

couldn’t I have come better than that?

i could have used “despicable.” at least that would have been a little more creative. heck, “filthy” would have been at least a little more clever. marginally.

PISSED

i should have just let it go. if you don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist.

then i wouldn’t be obsessing right now about my failure to use my words.

i’ve never been that good on-the-spot. especially with insults. it’s generally in print that i shine. maybe i should write him a caustic letter.

long, deep cleansing breaths. goosfraba. the universe is unfolding as it should. accept that some people are not worth your thoughts and move on.

peace.

1. non-dancers–two left feet is clearly no excuse (more on this later)
2. people who know where north is–with or without a compass
3. people who can reverse without having to think about which way to turn the wheel
4. the cold
5. indecision

I don’t care about your political proclivities, musical tendencies, or predilection (or not) for the green.*

Just do the world a favour and listen to some Bob.

Think about it.

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all listened to a little Bob every day?

I had to drive up to Malibu this morning at the ass crack of dawn (7AM) and was driving the boyfriend’s car. Once NPR cut out (ahhh those canyon roads) I turned on the CD player and there was Bob ready to ease me into the morning.

Positive vibrations indeed.

What could be better than driving up the PCH, blue waves to your left, sun rising in the sky, and… some Bob. (reference picture on top taken with my phone at a traffic light)

It was almost trance-like in its power to soothe the mind and spirit.

Like yoga without the exertion.

I highly recommend it.

Do the world–and yourself–a favour.

Listen to some Bob.

*P.S. proclivity and predilection are two of my favouritw words and I’m tickled I got to use them both in one sentence

Technorati Tags: Bob Marley, positive vibrations, Malibu, NPR, yoga

You can imagine my excitement when I realized there was a Caribbean restaurant* less than four blocks from my house.

Ecstatic!

Hmmm….

Well who tell me to expect that they’d act like a normal business and be open at normal hours?

First of all, their website says they’re open from 11 AM to 4 PM, Monday to Saturday. If you want to come after 4PM you have to make a reservation otherwise they shut down.

Okay… a little hokey, but I’m all about work/life balance so I’ll go with it.

So the boyfriend and I (see his crazy lunar eclipse pic here) went last Saturday at 12:30. I was jumping up and down I was so happy.

Ehhhrrrrttttt.

CLOSED.

We ended up getting KFC. It was deliciously gross and all I can say is that I really miss home.

I digress: Trinidad has the bess KFC ever. it’s actually one of the “local delicacies” you have to have when you go.

Read the rest of this entry »

The farther I get physically from my family, the stronger my need to be a part of it; the undeniable need to connect.

People talk about the happy quiet that can exist between two lovers, but this was too great; sitting between his sister and his brother, saying nothing, eating. Before the world existed, before it was populated, and before there were wars and colleges and movies and clothes and opinions and foreign travel—before all of these things there had been only one person, Zora, and only one place: a tent in the living room made from chairs and bed-sheets. After a few years, Levi arrived; space was made for him it was as if he had always been.

Looking at them both now, Jerome found himself in their finger joints and neat conch ears, in their long legs and wild curls. He heard himself in their partial lisps caused by puffy tongues vibrating against slighlty noticeable buckteeth. He did not consider if or how or why he loved them. They were just love: they were the first evidence he ever had of love, and they would be the last confirmation of love when everything else fell away.

~ Zadie Smith, On Beauty.

There’s something so delicious about re-reading one of your favourite books and finding new passages that excite you by their ability to get it so unbelievably right.

It’s summer. I do a lot of re-reading in the summer. In less than a week I’ll have some really heavy reading to contend with so I’m hanging on to these few precious moments of do-nothingness I have left (decadence!).

So… on siblings.

The instance of the above passage is when a sister and two brothers fortuitously bounce into each other at a bus-stop in Boston. Entirely unplanned and ridiculously serendipitous.

Once we grew up and moved out, my dad would always get a kick out of that the three of us being together, wherever we were, even if he and mums weren’t there. I didn’t get it then. I do now.

It’s funny, the less I see of them–and now that I’m in LA it’s considerably less–the more I’m amazed by the wall of love I run into whenever we’re together.

To paraphrase, I most definitely do not consider the if or how or why of loving my brothers. But it is absolute and unfailing and… so comforting. And now that they’re having kids, I can feel it in the wall of love that hits me (no words) to be in the presence of these newest blood members. A love like they were always there. I’m botching it up. She said it better:

They were just love: they were the first evidence he ever had of love, and they would be the last confirmation of love when everything else fell away.

How comforting not to need words (and the three of us all have a bit of the over-explainer in us), to know that words are superfluous to the flow of understanding that comes from a shared history.

I think I’m going to extend this to my cousins. By virtue of our age gaps, I spent as much time with my eleventy first cousins (four in particular) as I did with my brothers. We’re not as close as we used to be, which makes me kind of sad.

But it still hits me so profoundly to be with them, to know that in the deepest, most true sense that they understand it all, that they “get it.”

To feel the pull of blood.

Technorati Tags: zadie smith, on beauty, siblings, brothers, cousins, blood, family, love, reading

~ do you know… this is the first t-shirt I have with words on it? It’s not that I don’t like them, I like them on other people. But I’ve always felt like that isn’t me. I don’t do t-shirts with words.

~ oh yeah? Well this is the first t-shirt I have with an asymetrical design on it.

~ We’re in LA now.

~ hmmm…

Technorati Tags: graphic tees, rvca, ruca